The Defender

The Defender is the Pressure Reflex that defends your work the moment it's attacked. It is one of eight Pressure Reflexes named by Deano Sutter, founder of Pressure Reflex™ Leadership Training System. It wants one thing: agreement. And it will fight for it, even when the other person is right.

You know this moment

Your boss gives you feedback. It's fair. Completely warranted.

Before the sentence is even finished, you've built three rebuttals in your head.

Maybe one of them comes out.

And you find yourself fighting harder to be right than to hear what's actually being said.

Why do I get defensive?

You'll say it's because your high standards were attacked. Or your track record. Or your commitment to the role.

You weren't defending any of those.

A version of you learned that making a mistake means you're a failure. The Defender takes over to protect it.

It runs on one line:

"If I defend myself, you'll change your mind."

That's why it shows up even when you agree with every word.

When is The Defender the right responder?

Every Pressure Reflex is an emergency responder. Each one is built for a real threat.

In a real emergency, The Defender is exactly who you want. Someone threatens your family. Something is charging at you. A false accusation could cost your team their jobs. It stands its ground and doesn't back down.

A false alarm looks different. Fair feedback. A question about your numbers. A comment you took personally. Nothing is actually in danger, but your alarm reads it as an attack, and The Defender shows up at full force. Your reaction ends up bigger than the moment. That's a false alarm.

What does The Defender look like?

• Arguing with the feedback before you've heard all of it
• Correcting the details instead of hearing the point
• Answering criticism with criticism
• Shifting the blame to the timeline, the team or the data
• Defending how you loaded the dishwasher

What does The Defender cost you?

The person giving the feedback doesn't walk away thinking you have high standards. They walk away thinking you're difficult.

After a while, people stop bringing you problems. Not because there aren't any. Because it isn't worth the fight.

Once it's called in, The Defender defends at all costs. Even if it costs the relationship. Even if the other person walks away feeling small.

The Defender protects your credibility by resisting feedback. The resisting is what damages it.

Your repeated reactions become your reputation.

Is The Defender one of your main Pressure Reflexes?

You might recognize it in lines like:

• "Why do I react so fast?"
• "I know they're trying to help, but I still get defensive."
• "I feel attacked immediately."

Everyone experiences The Defender at some point. For some people, it's a predominant Pressure Reflex, the one that shows up most, especially around criticism and failure.

And when it is, it rarely shows up alone. It often brings one or two other Pressure Reflexes with it.

Either way, The Defender is not who you are. It is who takes over.

Protection isn't the problem. Outdated protection is. What was trained can be retrained.

"Weeks prior, in the same situations I was feeling inadequate, defensive, and stressed. No more of that."

Andrew Pettit, Strategic Advisor and Board Member

The goal isn't to care less about your work. It's to hear feedback without The Defender taking over.

See all eight Pressure Reflexes